New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
