that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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