She said her name was "party"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize