I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
