Taylor Swift is so right about you.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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