I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Threesome in a minivan. New low
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
