Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize