so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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