just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
