everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
