Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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