Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
