u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
