i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
