Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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