Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
