your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
