do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
