Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
it's like iHOP with fire
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
