She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
