i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
