So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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