I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
