My brain says no but my pants say off.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize