I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
