After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize