I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
