I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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