My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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