No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
