I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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