I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
porn star boner night. come get it.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize