Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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