Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I wish I only lived at night.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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