i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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