all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
