just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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