Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
