i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
