he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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