i can't believe i had my finger in that
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
