also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
