you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
