i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
