Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
