Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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