dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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