im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
