Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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