I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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