i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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