Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize