i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
