so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
