Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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