I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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