so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
