Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
