dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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