Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
