____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Randomize
