He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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