Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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