Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
