I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
