i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize