this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
