Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
