if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
