U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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