Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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