Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize