ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
