I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
