He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
