I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i think i just lost a toe
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
