dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
