yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
