he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
