i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So many bounce houses so little time
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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