Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
