i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
