Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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