You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
