so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
