I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
