Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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