turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
