I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
