just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
