I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
