somebody snuck up and got me drunk
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
