turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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