Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Help. Why am I so naked?
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