Me too!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
