Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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