Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
