Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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