Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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