do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
