oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
