I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
