girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
