I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
