I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
