Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
