My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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