I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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