I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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