before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize