Need sex. Gaining weight.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Randomize
