just come out here and I will go home with you...
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
