The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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